Seven Agreements require agreement

The Seven Agreements

John Gutekunst | January 2018

30-35 Minute Read

These Seven Agreements are the core and foundation to eliminating any challenge from your life.

They also would go a long way in eliminating unnecessary conflict in the mental health industry and society as a whole too.

Seven Agreements require agreement

 

The Seven Agreements

John Gutekunst | January 2018

30-35 Minute Read

 

These Seven Agreements are the core and foundation to eliminating any challenge from your life. They also would go a long way in eliminating unnecessary conflict in the mental health industry and society as a whole.

Seven Agreements require agreement

The Seven Agreements

John Gutekunst | January 2018

30-35 Minute Read

These Seven Agreements are the core and foundation to eliminating any challenge from your life. They also would go a long way in eliminating unnecessary conflict in the mental health industry and society as a whole too.

What is the best treatment approach?

Alternative and complimentary?

or

Traditional and conventional?

or

Integrative and holistic?

 

Some of you may never have heard of these terms and may have absolutely no clue what the difference between these three approaches are, while some of you may be adamant proponents of one of these styles of healthcare.

 

The landscape of the mental health industry is already complex enough. Thinking about all of the different types of problems, difficulties, and struggles that human beings can possibly experience is also incredibly complicated too. Consequently, what to even call these “challenges” is often debated and confusing too:

“Disorder, ailment, malady, pathology, disease, etc.”

or

“Challenge, obstacle, problem, difficulty, struggle, etc.”

 

In addition to the type of approach to use, the conflict about which words are the best ones to use to define the struggles we human beings experience is yet another fun debate in the world of mental health.

 

Given how complex life as a human being can be AND given the fact that all pure-hearted human beings want difficult challenges such as depression, anxiety, addiction, eating disorders, trauma, etc. to go away and go away for good; maybe it is best to focus on this:

 

Is there a way we can all come together, eliminate these conflicts, and end these debates?

 

Is there some sort of common ground we can find and agree upon regardless of the approach and/or definitions we personally prefer to use?

 

And can you personally benefit from the possible solutions to these conflicts?

 

How to End the Debate?

Contrary to what Dr. Evil may believe, some of the best methods for resolving conflict emphasize that the key to conflict resolution is not building the biggest army. It is finding a common ground and identifying aligned interests and priorities that all parties involved in the conflict share.

 

We humans are always more powerful when we work together

When we humans combine our minds and our energy, it is fascinating what we can do.

 

Four...or Seven? ... or Both!?

Many of you may be familiar the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, and how these agreements can eliminate conflict, drama, and needless emotional suffering from your life.

 

These Four Agreements are as follows:

Be impeccable with your word.

Don’t take anything personally.

Don’t make assumptions.

Always do your best.

 

I think we all can agree that those definitely are a great start to eliminating conflict. Feel free to enjoy the book and to learn about the countless other benefits these agreements can have in your life.

The remainder of this article will outline seven additional agreements to incorporate into your life.

 

Not only can these additional Seven Agreements greatly benefit the entire mental health industry, these Seven Agreements also can go a long, LONG way in eliminating drama, conflict, and needless suffering in society as a whole.

 

More importantly and more relevant to you, these Seven Agreements are the core and foundation to eliminating challenges, struggles, and conflicts in your own life too.

 

In fact, the Seventh Agreement is arguably the most important agreement that any human being can ever make in their entire life...

 

Enjoy!

The First Agreement

Seven Agreements Truth

We all can agree that we all want honesty and objectivity.

Whether it was malicious and intentional, or a genuine mistake and misunderstanding; how fun is it to be lied to or mislead?

 

Being led to believe in something that is not true is not fun at all, right?

 

On the topic of the “mental health industry” and the treatment of mental health issues, a relevant dynamic to acknowledge and wholeheartedly agree upon is this:

If there is a type of personal challenge that someone can NOT overcome, and that challenge actually is 100% permanent- let’s tell them.

 

On the other hand, if a challenge is NOT permanent and will NOT be there for 100% of the remainder of their life, let’s tell them that too.

 

We always want to be honest and objective about everything, right? So let’s be clear on what is permanent, and what is not permanent as soon as we possibly can.

 

More on permanence later in this article, but let’s say this for now:

When it comes to treatment of a challenge that actually is permanent- which means that the problem will never go away; let’s also do everything we can to make sure they have access to the most powerful tools, methods, and techniques to make this “permanent challenge” as easy as we possibly can for them too.

 

That makes sense, right?

 

Whether or not we agree on this particular "treatment approach", it doesn't matter because this is not the first agreement. The first of the Seven Agreements is this:

The First Agreement: Honesty & Objectivity

We all can agree that we all want honesty and objectivity.

The Second Agreement

Max

We all can agree that we all want to use “the best”, and the most powerful tools and methods available to conquer our challenges.

 

This is pretty self-explanatory.

 

If we’re really struggling and really hurting, we want the solution that works the fastest, lasts the longest, gets the most relief, can be used again and again without wearing out, doesn’t miss anything, wastes as little as possible, is the simplest to use, the safest, AND the most enjoyable too.

 

The more pain you’re in, the more likely you’ll want a solution that provides ALL of these things. That way you’ll never have to experience that level of pain ever again.

 

Said differently, the more pain that you’re in, the more likely you’ll want the solution that is

  1. The fastest,
  2. Generates the biggest results,
  3. Generates the sustainable results,
  4. The most reliable,
  5. The most thorough,
  6. The most efficient,
  7. The simplest,
  8. The safest, AND (yes “AND”)
  9. The most enjoyable to use.

 

Some things are good.

Some things are better than good.

Some things are “the best”.

 

And this is the second agreement in the Seven Agreements:

The Second Agreement: "The Best"

We all can agree that we to use “the best”, and the most powerful tools and methods available to conquer our challenges.

The Third Agreement

Seven Agreements Strong Mind

The human mind and the human spirit (and the will power they can create) are two of the most powerful tools, resources, and gifts we human beings have at our disposal.

 

Think about how much mental energy and will power went into allowing this article to be available to you today and all of the achievements that human beings have made in technology and communication that allowed this to happen.

 

The fact that most of you are reading this in the palm of your hand is all that needs to be said to emphasize just how powerful (important and incredible) the human mind, human spirit, and human will power can be when it is focused in the right direction.

 

When we humans combine our minds and our energy, it is fascinating what we can do.

"If you want to go fast, go alone. 

If you want to go far, go together."

African Proverb

As important as teamwork, cohesion, and cooperation are;  they are nothing without the human mind and the human spirit. That is why they are emphasized in the third agreement in the Seven Agreements:

The Third Agreement: The Human Mind & Human Spirit are Incredibly Powerful

We all can agree that the human mind and the human spirit (and the will power they can create) are two of the most powerful tools, resources, and gifts we human beings have at our disposal.

The Fourth Agreement

Some Implications Thus Far

So, what are some things that can be emphasized and learned from the first three agreements?

 

Well, these three agreements also mean that the following things are true:

Seeing as we do not want to cut off access to the most powerful resources we have, one of the most important things that we all must emphasize in the entire mental health industry (and ideally society as a whole) is the power of the human mind, AND the power of the human spirit (and the will power they create).

 

In any treatment approach and during any challenge or struggle; simply bringing awareness to these two resources allows human beings to use their mind to access different levels of resourcefulness and creativity.

 

When the power of the mind is emphasized enough, it also allows us human beings to use our mind to tap into the human spirit and all of its will power too.

SIDE NOTE: Struggling with Trust?

And for those that are struggling to trust your mind and/or find your will power, that’s okay. This happens to plenty of us. It seems as if this is a required experience for many of us human beings in this "game of life".

 

Reading this article is an excellent opportunity to create a small win for yourself by doing your best to at least make it to the Sixth Agreement below. And then you can get yourself some extra extra credit for making it to the Seventh Agreement. Remember- this Seventh Agreement is probably the most important and powerful agreement any human being can ever make.

 

It also likely is "the best" solution available to growing your trust in yourself again.

Simple Seven Agreements

 

A Different (and Simpler?) Perspective

Maybe this point is best emphasized from this simple question and perspective:

 

How is someone supposed to completely overcome a personal challenge if they do not believe it is possible to do so?

 

It really is that simple, right?

 

“Believing” in something starts in the mind. And when a human being believes they can indeed completely overcome a challenge, it creates a solid foundation for them to access the will power they need in order to do so.

 

“Completely Overcome”!?

We always want to be honest and objective, and the “completely overcome” may have stood out to some of you.

 

Thus, it is important to acknowledge this right up front too:

 

Obviously permanent challenges are completely different than temporary ones.

 

The topic of what types of challenges are permanent vs. temporary and what the best approaches are in each situation is a complex topic, and not the main purpose of this article. However, we can share a few details and also can start by sharing a great cliff note to the topic:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

the courage to change the things I can;

and the wisdom to know the difference."

Reinhold Niebuhr

In the case of permanent challenges, the work in these scenarios is focused on what things actually can be controlled and the things that are not permanent (IE: our attitude and mindset, and what decide to allow ourselves to focus on), and maximizing our skills with those things.

 

In a way, that becomes the “primary personal challenge” for those with permanent challenges. After working through the grief and any other pain that permanence may create; eventually their hand is forced, and their challenge automatically becomes the fact that they MUST figure out what to do with their new set of (permanent) circumstances and abilities.

 

Again, what is permanent, what is not permanent, and the importance of assessing permanence in a situation is beyond the scope of this article.

 

The main point is this:

In order to completely overcome and conquer a personal challenge, a human being must believe it is possible for them to do so.

 

That is simply “how Life works”, and just “how human beings work”.

It also is pretty basic logic too.

 

If we do not believe it is possible, we are cutting off access to some of the most powerful tools, resources, and gifts we have available to us: the power of the human mind, AND the power of our will and our spirit.

 

And that is the fourth of the Seven Agreements that we all can agree on.

The Fourth Agreement: Belief (aka: Faith) is Powerful and Required

We all can agree that in order to completely overcome and conquer a personal challenge, a human being must believe (and have faith that) it is possible that they can conquer the challenge.

When we access the power of belief, we unleash the power of our mind and our spirit. During this process we also gain access to the will power required to overcome our challenges and our struggles too.

More Details Related to The Fourth Agreement

Seven Agreements Cards

"The little ones bring big ones."

Grandpa Bill

That's something my grandpa Bill used to say when we played cards together. It refers to the fact that often times you can play a low card to bring out your opponent's high cards. This strategy can help you win the game.

 

On a similar wavelength, the most successful coach in Men's College basketball history has some pretty good insight too...

"It's the little details that are vital.

Little things make big things happen."

John Wooden

Subtleties Matter

A little and subtle dynamic to realize is that the words “faith” and “belief” can be used interchangeably.

 

In a way, this Fourth Agreement is saying that, “One must have faith in order to conquer a challenge”.

Isn't this exactly the same thing as saying, “One must have a belief in something in order to conquer a challenge”?

 

So, yes, these two words can be used interchangeably.

 

While We’re At It

While we’re on the topic, it also is helpful to realize that faith can be used in two directions. IE: faith can be internal and faith can be external too.

 

In other words, someone can have faith in themselves.  Someone also can have faith in something outside of themselves (and maybe faith and belief in something much, MUCH bigger than them too).

 

Saying, “You must believe in yourself” and emphasizing that, “It is good to believe in something greater than yourself” are effectively saying the same things too, right?

Seven Agreements Nuggets

A Final Nugget:

And on the topic of faith and belief, there is one last little nugget to share with you too.

 

“Faith in yourself” and “belief in yourself” both sound a lot like self-confidence, right?

That’s because that's what “internal faith” and “belief in yourself” are effectively referring to: self-confidence.

 

Let’s Combine Them

Combing all of these dynamics (and nuggets) means that it also can be said that it takes a certain degree of self-confidence in order to conquer a challenge too.

 

Logically, this just makes sense, right? A certain degree of Self-confidence is required to conquer a challenge.

It’s probably a safe bet that you’ve heard something along those lines before too.

 

And the details matter, right?

This means that “a certain degree” is an important detail in that statement too.

As the familiar saying and adage goes:

"Faith the size of a mustard seed can move a mountain."

Common adage that originates from the Bible

The reality is you do not need be 100% confident in order to conquer a challenge (or achieve a goal, for that matter).

You just need a little bit of faith and a little bit of belief (and likely these Seven Agreements too).

 

Ultimately, this is the fourth of the Seven Agreements that all human beings can make:

The Fourth Agreement: Belief (aka: Faith) is Powerful and Required

We all can agree that in order to completely overcome and conquer a personal challenge, a human being must believe (and have faith that) it is possible that they can conquer the challenge.

The Fifth Agreement

Some of you reading this are nodding your heads or are feeling inspired and hopeful (or something along those lines), while others reading this are struggling to trust your mind and your spirit right now. If so, that is okay. These things happen.

 

You have made it this far, and can learn how to trust yourself again, AND unleash the power of your mind and spirit again too. That is if, and *only* if, you want this to happen...that may be harsh for some, but you do want to be honest and objective, right?

 

This is just  "how human beings work" and  "how life works" too.

 

After you become aware of an opportunity, it is the emotion of desire and the energy of “wanting things” that must be unleashed at its full potential in order to take full advantage of that opportunity. That opportunity can be a dream, vision, or goal; or it can be an opportunity to learn and grow by working through your challenges and taking them head on.

 

If a human being does not want to conquer a challenge (or make their dreams come true), what are their odds of doing so?

 

It really is that simple.

 

The main thing to realize from this section is that the emotion of desire and the energy of wanting things  must be utilized in order to conquer a challenge (and make your dreams come true).

 

This brings us to the Fifth Agreement in the Seven Agreements:

The Fifth Agreement: Desire is Powerful and Required

We all can agree that human beings must want to and must desire to conquer the challenge in order to eliminate it from their lives completely.

That is the fifth thing mental health professionals should agree on (and ideally all human beings too) . As a professional in this industry, when working with others one of the primary things we should focus on in anything and everything we do should be related to increasing the desire someone has to conquer their challenges completely.

 

"The Best" ways to increase someone's desire to conquer challenges is a whole other conversation to save for another time (this article is a good start and this 5-page pdf manual provides some great psychological details too). For the purposes of this conversation, it really is as simple as this:

 

How the heck is anyone supposed to solve a problem if they do not have any desire to do so?

 

We all really could put some more effort into emphasizing this dynamic. Desire is the key emotion and an absolutely essential energy that is a mandatory requirement to conquer a challenge (and make dreams come true too).

 

 

Let's slow down, pause, and assess something pretty darn important that just occurred.

 

Remember how these Seven Agreements are the core and foundation to eliminating challenges, struggles, and conflicts in your own life?

 

What has been shared thus far has done a pretty darn good job of creating that core and foundation. More specifically, it was agreements three, four, and five.

 

These agreements effectively say:

  • The human mind and human spirit are incredibly powerful
  • Belief (aka: Faith) is powerful and required to conquer challenges.
  • Desire is powerful and required to conquer challenges.

 

Who is anyone to say what can or cannot be accomplished when someone puts their entire mind to it, believes it is possible, has faith in themselves, and taps into every ounce of energy and will power that their spirit has available?

 

That's a pretty darn good start, right?

 

In fact, this is one of the most important statements for anyone and everyone to keep on their mind while they attempt to conquer their challenges (and/or attempt to make their dreams come true too).

 

It is so important that it is worth repeating:

Who is anyone to say what can’t be accomplished when we have the powers of desire, faith, the human mind, and the human spirit on our side!?

And just for good measure...

"Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right."

Henry Ford

"Desire backed by faith knows no such word as impossible."

Napoleon Hill

Hopefully you can now agree and appreciate why this is the Fifth Agreement in the Seventh Agreements:

The Fifth Agreement: Desire is Powerful and Required

We all can agree that human beings must want to and must desire to conquer the challenge in order to eliminate it from their lives completely.

The Sixth Agreement

Remember the first and second agreements:

  1. We all can agree that we all want honesty and objectivity.
  2. We all can agree that we all want to use “the best”, and the most powerful tools and methods available to conquer our challenges and make our dreams come true.

 

Also remember how a theme to this article is discussing the mental health industry, and the different types of approaches and terms used within it?

 

IE: Remember that whole discussion about alternative and complimentary healthcare?

Or traditional and conventional?

Or holistic and integrative?

 

... And the debate between:  “Disorder, ailment, malady, pathology, disease, etc.” vs. “Challenge, obstacle, problem, difficulty, struggle, etc.”... ?

 

Let’s Acknowledge this:

Let’s also acknowledge this fact:

 

Situations that involve anxiety disorders, panic attacks, depression, low self-esteem, suicidal behaviors, addiction, eating disorders, deep losses, regrettable decisions, and the like can be very difficult and challenging for any human being to experience.

 

On a similar (and heavy) topic; abuses, traumas, tragedies, crises, catastrophes are some of the most difficult things that any human being can experience too.

 

There is nothing like having someone else there by your side to navigate the most difficult and challenging times that Life can create. And THAT is one of the primary roles and functions us professionals in the mental health industry provide to society as a whole- to be there when times are tough (and to guide others out of the “difficult times” as fast as possible while using methods that ensure they’ll never go back too).

 

If you’re really, REALLY struggling to enjoy life OR have gone through some really, REALLY difficult experiences- you can turn to a mental health professional for help.

 

Not everyone is built to routinely be exposed to challenges of this nature. Many, MANY professionals in this industry are angels and gifts to everyone they have the opportunity to guide and serve.

“It’s not the load that breaks you down. It’s the way you carry it.” 

Lena Horne

“Ask for help not because you’re weak, but because you want to remain strong.” 

Les Brown

Helping People Seven Agreements

Last Thing Ever Desired

As special as the professionals in this industry can be, we still are human. This means we still can make mistakes, unintentionally mislead others, and can debate and create conflict with our peers.

 

The absolute last thing anyone ever wants in times of deep distress and deep despair is any form of drama, conflict, and needless suffering.

 

This means that in the most difficult times in life, one of the things that we human beings need the most is agreement.

 

Agreement is the exact opposite of conflict, and drama and needless suffering are very rare when all parties involved are in harmony and wholeheartedly agree.

 

So maybe all of the mental health professionals (and everyone else for that matter) can agree on this:

Whether you prefer alternative, conventional, and/or integrative approaches; or the terms disorder, disease, challenge, and/or struggle… Hopefully one thing we ALL can agree on is that Love is absolutely necessary to overcome any type of personal challenge.

 

In fact, for situations as difficult and as heavy as anxiety disorders, panic attacks, depression, suicidal behaviors, addiction, eating disorders, deep losses, regrettable decisions, abuses, traumas, tragedies, crises, catastrophes and the like...

 

Can you imagine attempting to get through any of these challenges without the power and the force of Love!?

 

Isn’t that exactly what people going through these difficult experiences need the most- as much Love as the possibly can get!?

 

And even more specific than that, what people need the most in times of distress is care, fondness, sympathy, compassion, sensitivity, warmth, tenderness, affection, and connection with themselves.

 

Said differently:

In times of distress, what people need the most is as much Love for themselves as they possibly can get!

Hearts 480

Says Who…

Yes, some things may be permanent.

Yes, some things may not be permanent.

 

And remember this:

Who is anyone to say what can’t be accomplished when we have the powers of desire, faith, the human mind, and the human spirit on our side!?

Permanent or temporary, who is anyone to limit what we can accomplish when we have the powers of faith, desire, the human mind, and the human spirit by our side?

 

Says who that someone who has experienced an incredibly difficult and challenging time in their life automatically means that they can NOT find a way to love themselves?

 

Says who that someone who is experiencing depression, low self-esteem, and/or suicidal behaviors automatically means they can’t find a way to love themselves despite these struggles?

 

Says who that those who are experiencing addictions, anxiety attacks, eating disorders, bipolar, and the like automatically means they are not capable of loving themselves despite these difficulties?

 

Says who that those who have experienced abuses, traumas, tragedies, crises, and/or catastrophes automatically means they can NOT rely on Love, and the incredibly healing and transformative force that it can be?

 

Isn’t that exactly what people experiencing these difficult challenges need the most- as much Love as the possibly can get!?

 

Who or what has ever, is ever, can ever, or will ever permanently stop anyone from Loving themselves!?

 

No matter what happens in your life, no-thing and no-one and no-force can ever stop you from finding a way to Love yourself. This is especially true if you have the powers of faith, desire, the human mind, and the human spirit by your side.

 

Can you imagine attempting to take on any challenge without these things?

Can you imagine attempting to take on any challenge without the power and the force of Love!?

Are We Getting Soft!?

And, yes, Love is a force.

And, yes, it IS incredibly powerful, and it can be incredibly fierce and tenacious too.

 

Come across a mother in the wild and you’ll definitely see tenacity, and just how fierce Love can be.

Power of Love in the Wild- Seven Agreements

 

Some of you are saying, “Try to hurt *my* kid and I’ll show you exactly how fierce and tenacious Love can be”…

 

...or try to hurt my spouse, my parents, my car, my friends, my family… or try to hurt whatever you personally care about the most and “love” deeply and passionately, and the entire force of Love WILL be unleashed.

 

So, for those of you that are wondering if we’re getting too soft, it actually is exactly the opposite.

 

Love is an incredibly powerful force.

Love can be incredibly fierce and tenacious too.

 

... and while we're at it:

Real Men Love

This is obviously true for women too.

There seems to be a pretty big disconnect in society as to what real masculine energy is built upon, so that needs to be said- especially during a conversation about whether or not we're getting soft.

 

Put The Topic Of Gender Aside

Anyhow, let's put the topic of gender aside and finish this section...

 

...Imagine if you unleashed the fierceness and tenacity of Love onto your personal challenges?

 

In other words, imagine if you took on your depression, anxiety, addiction, etc. with the same intensity that a mother protecting her young would exhibit.

 

How long would these challenges last if this intensity and this mindset were applied?

Seven Agreements I Love Me

Slow Down

Let’s slow down again and ensure everyone appreciates the significance of what was just shared above.

 

When difficult times arise in your life, absolutely NOTHING exists that can prevent you from finding Love again in your life.

 

This means that if you have the desire and faith, and put your mind and your spirit into it, you CAN find a way to love yourself no matter how messed up or challenging your life may be (... please see agreements 1-5 for a reminder why).

 

This also means that if you are struggling with depression, low self-esteem, and/or suicidal behaviors…

Yes, YOU can find a way to Love for yourself despite these challenges!

 

Or if you’re struggling with addictions, anxiety, eating disorders, bipolar, and/or anything along these lines…

Yes, YOU can find a way to Love for yourself despite these challenges!

 

Or if you’re struggling with an abuse, trauma, tragedy, crisis and/or catastrophe; you can bet everything you’ve got that YOU definitely can find a way to Love yourself despite these challenges too.

Love Yourself Force of Love Seven Agreements

“You yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."  

Buddha

Real Men Love Themselves

YES! This is true for women too : )

More Details On Love (and the 6th Agreement)

"If it works in the most extreme and most challenging scenarios, imagine how effective it will be in the less extreme and less challenging scenarios too."

The Gute Life

Can You Imagine?

Once again... Yes, some things may be permanent. And, yes, some things may not be permanent too.

 

Regardless of the situation and any degree of permanence involved- when it comes to difficult times in Life, we definitely want to use the absolute best, and the most powerful tools and resources we have at our disposal.

 

This is especially true in the extreme scenarios and the most difficult challenges we human beings can face.

 

Can you imagine attempting to take on depression, low self-esteem, and/or suicidal behaviors without the power and force of Love?

Can you imagine attempting to take on addictions, anxiety attacks, eating disorders, bipolar, and the like without the power and force of Love?

Can you imagine attempting to take on abuses, traumas, tragedies, crises, or catastrophes without the power and force of Love?

 

Isn’t that exactly what people going through these difficult experiences need the most- as much Love as the possibly can get!?

 

…and what if you make Love the primary tool and force that you use as a part of your strategy to get through these challenges?

 

Who is to say what Love can or cannot do for you in your life!?

Who is anyone to say what can’t be accomplished when we have the powers of desire, faith, the human mind, the human spirit, and (most important of all) the force of Love on our side!?

Imagine what YOU can achieve with the powers of desire, faith, the human mind, the human spirit, and (most important of all) the force of Love by your side.

The Reality:

The reality is that Loving yourself is a skill, and being a Loving person is a skill too. It takes talent and ability to be able to find ways to care about and value yourself, care for yourself, and take care of yourself too. This is especially true during the difficult times in life.

 

Depression, addiction, anxiety, eating disorders and the like are not the easiest things to experience. Needless to say, it is especially true that the “dark times” and "most challenging times" in life are often the times that are most difficult for many of us to find a way to value ourselves, connect with ourselves, and take care of ourselves too.

 

In fact, it is during the difficult challenges and "down times" in life that many of us human beings turn away from Love and focus on something else (IE: medication, herbs, drugs, alcohol, sex, food, sleep, bingeing, and all of those other fun coping mechanisms).

 

That is kind of ironic, isn't it?

IE: The fact that during times of distress, the very thing that we need the most is the very thing many of us rely on the least...?

 

A (strong) case can be made that a lack of Love is present in (and very likely the exact cause of) any and all of the difficult times in our life (especially the very difficult ones). When you find Love again, you very likely eliminate a lot of pain from that experience (and often times eliminate the specific cause of the problem too).

 

That is why it is incredibly important to become skilled at Loving yourself no matter what. You can lose love from someone else or lose the thing you love, but you will be with yourself for the rest of your life.

 

Learn to Love yourself first, foremost, and always, and you build a solid foundation to rely upon for the rest of  your life- no matter what happens to you in your life.

 

So, SO Many Reasons Why

At the end of the day, there are so, SO many reasons as to why many of us turn away from Love when it is most needed. There also are so, SO many reasons why many of us have not been trained in this "skill" of Loving ourselves no matter what. The image below does a great job of depicting some of the reasons as to why this is for some of us:

@agentletouchofart

 

If this image hits home for some of you remember, Love is a skill. Like all skills, they can be learned.

 

And it does not matter what level of skill you are at now. With enough faith and desire, and also the power of the mind and the spirit; you definitely can become incredibly skilled at loving yourself no matter what.

 

The next section provides details to help get you started.

Love Masterfully Transforms Force of Love Seven Agreements

"Just because some people can do something with little or no training, it doesn't mean that others can't do it (and sometimes do it even better) with training."

Carol Dweck

Final Details On Love (and the 6th Agreement)

"It's the little details that are vital.

Little things make big things happen."

John Wooden

There's that quote again... here's why:

 

Combined Creates a Capital “L”

Again, Loving yourself is a skill, and being a Loving person is a skill too. Even more specific and more detailed than that:

 

Love is a combination of individual skills.

 

To understand this perspective, it first helps to be aware that Love has many different attributes. Each one of these attributes are often described as characteristics and qualities too. It can also help to think of each of these attributes, qualities, and characteristics as an individual skill.

 

For example, a Loving person is often described as caring, understanding, accepting, empathetic, sympathetic and compassionate. Loving people also can be described as being warm, tender, kind, gentle, sensitive, and affectionate too.

 

Caring for something and letting your entire heart flow onto something fully appreciating and valuing something is a skill. As you can imagine, there are many, MANY people that are blocked off from the skill of letting their “entire heart flow” and “wholeheartedly loving something”. The reasons why we block off Love and all of its related skills is a topic to save for another day (see the previous picture for a hint as to why this is).

 

The main point is that “wholeheartedly caring for something” and “wholeheartedly loving something” is a skill.

 

Looking at the attributes shared in a few paragraphs above, clearly:

  • Understanding yourself and others is a skill.
  • Accepting yourself and others is a skill.
  • Being empathetic for yourself and others is a skill
  • Being compassionate for yourself and others is a skill.
  • And being warm, tender, kind, gentle, sensitive, and affectionate to yourself and others are all individual skills too.

 

Each of the  “Love Skills” are powerful on their own. However, when they’re all combined in a certain way, they begin to form an even more powerful force than the sum of their individual parts. That “combination of skills” creates the powerful force known as "Love", or "the force of Love" (hence the capital “L”- this refers to when the individual Love Skills are combined to create the force of Love).

 

The more Love Skills you can master and combine, the more powerful the force of Love will be in your life.

 

It’s one thing to have mastered the skills of understanding and compassion, and nothing else.

It’s another thing to have mastered the skills of understanding, compassion, and warmth; and nothing else.

It’s a whole other thing to have mastered being caring, understanding, accepting, empathetic, sympathetic, compassionate, warm, tender, kind, gentle, sensitive, AND affectionate as you possibly can be too.

 

There are more skills (and attributes, characteristics, and qualities) to Love than this, but we can agree that these are a great start, right?

Hopefully we also can agree that:

 

The more Love Skills you can master and combine, the more powerful the force of Love will be in your life.

 

Force of Love Transforms

At the end of the day

At the end of the day, it really is as simple as this:

During the good times, down times, and especially the during heavy and dark times in life- we ALL could use more of these “attributes of Love” and these “Skills of Love” in our lives.

 

It also is as simple as this too:

The more you know about Love and the more you master all of the skills that allow you to be as Loving of a person as you possibly can be; the more that Love will impact your life.

 

The “Master Skill of Life” (and arguably the most important challenge in life as a human being) is being as Loving of a person as you possibly can be NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR LIFE.

 

Only so much…

As you can imagine, only so much can be discussed in one article about all of the healing, transformative, inspiring, and life-changing powers of Love; and also “how to best Love yourself” and "the best ways to become a Truly Loving person" too.

 

Like any journey of mastery, the journey to master the “Skill of Love” (and all of its related skills) is a lifelong journey that takes a lot of persistence, dedication, studying, analysis, practice, training, and application amongst many other things.

 

Like all skills, it also takes desire and faith, and utilization of your mind and your spirit in order to master the Skill of Love too.

 

That’s Plenty:

That’s plenty for now. The main point is this:

Love is a powerful force.

 

Can you imagine taking on any of Life’s challenges without the force of Love by your side?

 

And also remember:

Who is anyone to say what can’t be accomplished when we have the powers of desire, faith, the human mind, the human spirit, and (most important of all) the force of Love on our side!?

And that is the Sixth Agreement in the Seven Agreements that all mental health professionals and all human beings should agree on:

The Sixth Agreement: Love Is One Of The Most Powerful Forces in Existence

We all can agree that Love is by far and away one of the most powerful tools, resources, and gifts that we have as human beings.

The Seventh Agreement

Seven Agreements

 

Maybe one day the entire mental health industry and the entire human race as a whole will automatically know that Love is the core of any truly effective treatment plan, and that loving yourself is absolutely essential to focus on first and foremost during any personal challenge.

 

Given the vast variety of the recommendations and the countless treatment ideologies that are presently promoted in society today; at this point in existence of humanity, it appears as if we are not quite at the point where everyone automatically makes Love the core of the solution to any personal challenge.

 

We also do not appear to relentlessly use Love as the “primary tool” and the “primary objective” of our treatment strategies and philosophies either.

 

Despite the current dynamics in existence, this still remains true.

"Master the Skills of Love, and Love will masterfully transform everything in your life."

The Gute Life

Maybe you’ll find a relentless focus on Love in the traditional and conventional areas of mental health.

Or, maybe you’ll find it in the holistic and integrative areas.

Or, maybe you’ll find it in the alternative and complimentary areas.

Or maybe you'll find a relentless focus on love in some place else.

 

If you are considering getting professional help with your personal challenges or are presently seeing someone and would like to get a second opinion; it would be an honor to work together and see what you can create for yourself when the core belief and core values of your treatment strategy are fundamentally built upon a foundation of Love.

 

Feel free to set that little commercial of mine aside. Regardless of your desire and aspirations at this point, in addition to getting to the Seventh (and Most Important) Agreement, please remember this:

 

Relentless Love

It IS This Simple

It really is as simple as this:

Rely on Force of Love

If you’re struggling to do this- let’s talk! I’ve been there before and know how to get out of this trap.

 

If you want to keep going at it on your own- freaking awesome! Hopefully this post helped you out on your DIY journey.

 

Again, regardless as to what your desires are at this point, let’s (finally) get to the seventh agreement. It arguably is the most important agreement that any human being can ever make.

 The Most Important Agreement of All

 

High or low. Happy or sad. Elated or depressed. Dark or light.

 

No matter where you are in your life, agree today to do everything you possibly can to wholeheartedly and relentlessly put your faith in Love, and to rely upon Love first and foremost in everything you do in your life.

 

There may be other things you rely on too (IE: desire, faith, persistence, honesty, objectivity, your mind, your spirit, etc.); but ALWAYS keep your faith in Love and ALWAYS start with Love too.

"Well begun is half done."

Aristotle

Yes- ALWAYS start with Love.

 

When you put your body, mind, heart, and soul into this agreement with yourself; Love will take care of the rest.

 

Ultimately that is the seventh and Final Agreement that ALL mental health professionals and arguably ALL human beings should agree upon too:

The Seventh Agreement: Relying on Love Works

When you wholeheartedly and relentlessly put your body, mind, heart, and soul into your faith in Love, Love will take care of the rest.

Feel free to get ahead of entire industries and society as a whole by making this agreement with yourself and for yourself today.

Seven Agreements Cards
The Gute Life
Headshot 200 tall

Gute (Goo-tee)

John Gutekunst is an educator, coach, writer, and speaker. He also is a CFA Charterholder, a certified yoga instructor, a depression expert, an entrepreneur, and a "retired" corporate banker too. He is dedicated to guiding others enjoy their lives as much as humanly possible, guiding others through the process of completely eliminating their most difficult personal challenges from their life, AND to assisting others with achieving their most passionate goals and dreams. He also helps others find a way to Love themselves No Matter What Happens in their life. To speak with him directly, please email him at john@thegutelife.com.
Headshot 200 tall

Gute (Goo-tee)

John Gutekunst is an educator, coach, writer, and speaker. He also is a CFA Charterholder, a certified yoga instructor, a depression expert, an entrepreneur, and a "retired" corporate banker too. He is dedicated to guiding others enjoy their lives as much as humanly possible, guiding others through the process of completely eliminating their most difficult personal challenges from their life, AND to assisting others with achieving their most passionate goals and dreams. He also helps others find a way to Love themselves No Matter What Happens in their life. To speak with him directly, please email him at john@thegutelife.com.
Like this article? Spread the Love!
  • 2
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
    2
    Shares
  •  
    2
    Shares
  • 2
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •