Seventh Fact to Dating Liberation.

John Gutekunst | February 2018

7-10 Minute Read

If you're just staring with this article...

If this is the first time you ever have heard of The Gute Life, this may be a little brutal of an introduction to the site for some of you.

 

For others, you may just nod your head and say yes.

 

Who knows.

 

Please realize this is Part 2 of 2 in the article series about Dating Liberation, and how to liberate yourself from the stressful cycles that dating can create.

 

To read the first part and understand how we got to this point, please click here.

 

Or feel free to pick up near the end of the movie instead of watching the whole thing.

 

Enjoy.

 

Part 2 of 2 Begins Here

Seventh Key Fact

 

So you're ready for it?

 

Well, whether you've gone straight through from Part 1, or are just picking up right now, I'm happy you're here.

 

Those of you that have gone straight through deserve some credit.

 

The fact you got this far says a lot about the type of person you are and I'd love to meet you. But that's off topic. You've already read enough, so let's get to it.

 

Please remember that I did say my job as a coach isn't always easy . . .

 

Fact 7 to Dating Liberation

Fact 7:

All of your past relationships have gifts and blessings.

 

For those of you that read that fact and didn't react. . .

 

Phew. I'm guessing you're really open minded or already realized this yourself. Keep on reading. Some of this may be old news too, but there very likely are some nuggets in here too.

 

There also is a list of all seven facts at the very end of this post. This is great to screenshot and save. It also can be quite helpful as a guide of things to incorporate into your dating mindset.

 

Want to Punch Me?

For those of you that did have a reaction, and especially those that want to punch me in the face, PLEASE read on.

 

As I've said before, my job as a coach isn't always easy. Sometimes I have to point out the "hard stuff", and I have found that this fact above can be one of the most difficult facts to digest. . . and also one of the most important too. . .

 

In fact, the more you reacted to reading this, the more important this seventh fact is for you, personally.

 

... and I did say that this strategy was not for the faint of heart either...

 

And for those of you that want to punch me, here I am. Feel free to hit your screen as hard as you'd like 🙂

 

How the...!?

Believe me, I know it can be especially difficult for those who never have even been on a date before to read this fact.

 

"How can having NO dating experience be a benefit!?", they might ask.

 

And, of course, this fact can definitely be met with a ton of angst by those who have been cheated on.

 

Last and most complicated of all. . . and I am hesitant to mention this because I completely condone this type of disgusting behavior and have deep sensitivity for those that are victims of abuse . . .  I am sure you can only imagine how challenging it can be for those that are victims of abuse to even read this fact, let alone accept it and believe it.

 

Mental, emotional, physical.

Any type of abuse.

 

Maybe you've been cheated on and that feels like abuse to you (emotional abuse, possibly?).

 

Forget what other people's criteria are. That's what matters the most for you.

IE: what it felt like to you is what matters the most, and not what anyone else says (or can legally prove).

 

Eliminate Ambiguity

Let's try to eliminate all ambiguity by what is included with the word "abuse" by stating this:

 

This is not talking about a stranger or any type of non-lover raping or sexually abusing someone.

^That^ is completely and entirely different.

 

The abuse that is being emphasized in this article is when someone receives abuse from anyone they loved and cared for.

 

There's a BIG difference between abuse from someone you have absolutely no feelings for vs. abuse from someone you actually cared for.

 

 

Like it or Not..

For better or worse, it will always remain 100% true that "all past relationships have blessings and gifts".

 

It also will always remain 100% true that this fact is indeed one of the most important and impactful things to realize and incorporate into your dating mindset.

 

It is so important that, as difficult as it may be to read and accept, I would be doing you an incredible disservice if I didn't emphasize it or bring it to your attention somehow.

 

It's Complicated

Abuse is such a complicated topic.

Thus, the most beneficial actions for you personally to take and the specific viewpoints to adopt is likely a case-by-case basis.

 

Some people can get to a place where they view the entire relationship as a gift and blessing.

Some people can only get to a place where they view certain portions of it (...especially the things that were learned because of it...) as a gift and blessings.

 

Your viewpoint is your decision, no one else's.

 

In other words, if you were a victim of abuse or cheating in a prior relationship, it may or may not make sense for you to view that entire past relationship as a gift or blessing. That is largely contingent upon your specific situation and, even more so, how you are willing to view that past relationship.

 

Whether you get to a point where you are at peace with viewing the entire thing as a gift or just the lessons learned from it is completely up to you.

 

Either way, if you decide to look for them, you can find the gifts and blessings that resulted from that particular experience with love you had in your life.

 

Reasons Why Fact 7 Leads to Dating Liberation

 

Why is this Seventh Fact Important?

So why do all of your past relationships (if any) have blessings and gifts, regardless of the circumstances?

 

First, let's remember of Fact #6:

 

Fact 6: In order to create the passionate relationship you are looking for in the deepest part of your body, mind, heart, and soul; it is absolutely essential for you to be completely true to and congruent with your deepest, true, independent, authentic self.

 

Reason 1:

Whether you realize it and/or are willing to admit to it or not, you have grown incredibly from all of your experiences with your past lovers.  If you've never been on a date, you've had time to learn about and think about yourself. If you've been married before,  you sure as heck know that you grew and learned a ton about life, relationships, and love from your past marriage(s).

 

If you are willing to admit it,  all of your past experiences have made your heart grow. Even though it may not seem like it, these experiences have (or eventually will) strengthened your heart.

 

Time to yourself and/or allowing your heart to grow sure can result in learning more about your "true authentic self", don't you think?

 

Reason 2:

As you may have noticed, the word "independent" is underlined and included in Fact #6.

 

The reason why it is included is that in order to find and create the passionate relationship you're looking for, not only do you have to act congruent with your true authentic self, it is also absolutely essential for you to be independent.

 

This is somewhat implied in the "authentic" and "true" parts of "true authentic self".

 

How can you be authentic and/or true if you are not independent?

 

Independent

 

Based on the definitions above, if you are influenced or controlled by others, you are not independent. Agreed?

 

Often times people have a tendency to bash their exes or say not so kind things about them. And by exes, it also is best to include people you only went on one date with.

 

Or, if you want to really take it to an extreme,  a case can be made to include those wonderful one-line and one-word email experiences with people you have encountered  online.

 

When it comes to viewing all of your past relationship experiences (and all of your past experiences with dating) as a blessing, it may be helpful (but admittedly extreme) to include all of these wonderful people in the online dating world as "exes".

 

Extreme or Not

Whether you agree with that extreme assessment or not, this still remains 100% true...

 

First, let's acknowledge that in the case of cheating and especially abuse, comments and thoughts that bash your exes are definitely merited.

 

However. . . again, being a coach is not always easy. . . I found that

 

If you are still making negative or spiteful statements about your exes, you are not free of the influence of your exes. This means you are still allowing them (and thoughts of them) to influence you and have power over you.

Therefore you are not independent, and thus it will be incredibly difficult, if not impossible, for you to experience the maximum level of passion and fulfillment that an intimate relationship can provide to human beings.

Yes, theoretically you can find another relationship.

However, if you still hold bitterness towards your exes, you can NOT experience the maximum level of enjoyment that an intimate relationship can bring.

 

Max

Let's Ask Again

This question has been asked before, and will be asked it again:

 

You DO want the maximum level of passion a relationship can offer, correct?

 

So how does accepting this seventh fact help with your independence?

 

Recall that the definition of being independent includes "being free of the influence of others".

 

Well, by far and away, the most powerful way to completely free yourself from the influence of others is to forgive them AND thank them for being a part of your life.

 

In other words, practice gratitude and forgiveness. . . And, yes, both of these are necessary to maximize the amount of your independence.

 

Please know that:

1) Again, this is NOT condoning abuse of any type (physical, mental, emotional) in any way.

2) Some of this may be case-by-case.

3) I am not at all saying that you should literally call your exes and thank them.

 

In fact...

 

You may never need to speak to them again or see them again in order to forgive them, and be at peace with the situation.

 

Maybe journal or write a letter to them that you never intend on sending.

 

Those are both great, powerful exercises. You can probably google many other effective exercises as well. Even though those will likely help, this is not saying that those are absolutely necessary either.

 

In the end, all of the dynamics and nuances involved in the difficult topic of forgiving an ex, especially an abusive one, go beyond the scope of this (already very lengthy) post.

 

However, please know this:

Many, MANY people have experienced a dramatic transformation when they began to forgive and become grateful in some way for their experience with their exes.

 

This realization was a very powerful one for me, personally, too.

 

After seeing how incredibly transformative this seventh fact can be when it is completely and wholeheartedly incorporated into people's dating mindsets, I know it is something that is absolutely essential for me to share with you. . . no matter how hard it is for you to read.

 

 

One Final Subtlety

There is one last important subtlety that is worth to emphasizing.

 

How are your exes a "gift", no matter how bad the previous circumstances were?

 

Well, in order to completely free yourself from their influence, you have to forgive them, correct?

 

There is one other weird way that the universe works that is worth being aware of.

 

This is another thing you likely will find this to be true no matter what your religious or spiritual beliefs are. For simplicity, please allow the word "universe" to be used.

 

For better or worse, the universe is set up in a way so that often times you grow the most from the most challenging and most difficult situations you experience.

 

I bet you can point to past challenges in your own life that caused you to grow considerably.

 

Here's How This Applies

Here's how this "weird" dynamic of the universe applies in this sutation:

if you had a bad experience with your ex lovers, it is just the way the universe went about showing you how much you can grow in the area of love.

 

More specifically, your experience with your exes. . . even the really bad ones . . . is the way the universe went about showing you just how deep and powerful your heart really is and just how deeply you can love for another human being.

 

If your heart is capable of finding gratitude and forgiveness for even the most despicable transgressions a past lover has done to you. . .

. . . if your heart is capable of that !!!  . . .

 

. . . can you image what your heart is capable of doing and the joy it will allow you to experience when you find someone who loves you in a completely healthy, passionate, supportive, and authentic way?

 

End With This

Let's end this final section with this.

 

Just as your beliefs about:

"men/women are_____",

"relationships______" ,

"the man/woman of my dreams ______". .  .

 

Your beliefs about "my past lovers are ______" has an incredible impact on the type of partners you attract and fall for. . . and your life in general.

 

As was promised

As was promised, here is a summary of the seven facts that lead to dating liberation.

Seven Facts to Dating Liberation

These are seven facts to wholeheartedly and relentlessly incorporate into your dating mindset.

 

Fact 1:  Intimate relationships can be one of the most enjoyable experiences a human being can have.

Fact 2: The second you stop believing intimate relationships can be deeply enjoyable, unbelievably passionate, and immensely fulfilling is the second you begin to attract potential mates who believe the exact same thing. . . and vice versa.

Fact 3: You don't want just "a relationship". You want an incredibly fulfilling and unbelievably passionate relationship.

Fact 4: You don’t want to find “a” partner or just “any partner”. You want to find the partner that is the best for you.

Fact 5: The more you know about yourself the easier your dating life will become and the better partner you will find for yourself.

Fact 6: In order to create the passionate relationship you are looking for in the deepest part of your body, mind, heart, and soul; it is absolutely essential for you to be completely true to and congruent with your deepest, true, independent, authentic self (aka: your "True Authentic Self").

Fact 7: All of your past relationships have gifts and blessings.

More Options

I hope you have found this post useful. If you made it this far, I would love to hear what you think.  I have plenty of knowledge and guidance as to dating in general, including the many nuances of all seven facts.

 

Feel free to email me if you have any questions or would like me to clarify something from this post.

 

I would also love to be your dating coach and help you completely break free and liberate yourself from the emotionally draining experience that dating can believe.

 

I believe intimate relationships can be incredibly fulfilling, and it would be an absolute joy to work together with you and guide you through the process of finding the man or woman of your dreams!

 

Who knows?

 

Maybe investing in a coach to help with your dating and love life will end up being one of the most rewarding decisions you ever make.

 

No matter what you decide, I sincerely wish you all the best in your search for finding "the one".

 

Take Care and Much Love.

 

John

John Gutekunst

Work Together?

To learn more about working together with John, please visit the link below.

Rely on Force of Love

HELP SUPPORT THE LOVE

If you enjoyed this article, The Gute Life would really appreciate your help. The Best way to help support the Love that we are sharing with the world is to like The Gute Life's facebook page.  Especially for a growing organization, every like and every share goes a long way. Thank you in advance for your support and your Love.

HELP SUPPORT THE LOVE

If you enjoyed this article, The Gute Life would really appreciate your help. The Best way to help support the Love that we are sharing with the world is to like The Gute Life's facebook page.  Especially for a growing organization, every like and every share goes a long way. Thank you in advance for your support and your Love.

Headshot 200 tall

Gute (Goo-tee)

John Gutekunst is an educator, coach, writer, and speaker. He also is a CFA Charterholder, a certified yoga instructor, a depression expert, an entrepreneur, and a "retired" corporate banker too. Most people refer to him as a Life Coach, and quite often as a Love Coach too. He is dedicated to guiding others through completely eliminating their most difficult personal challenges AND to assisting others with achieving their most passionate goals and dreams. Feel free to learn more about him here, and learn more about working together with him too.
Headshot 200 tall

Gute (Goo-tee)

John Gutekunst is an educator, coach, writer, and speaker. He also is a CFA Charterholder, a certified yoga instructor, a depression expert, an entrepreneur, and a "retired" corporate banker too. Most people refer to him as a Life Coach, and quite often as a Love Coach too. He is dedicated to guiding others through completely eliminating their most difficult personal challenges AND to assisting others with achieving their most passionate goals and dreams. Feel free to learn more about him here, and learn more about working together with him too.

The Gute Life
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